where to next?
published june 1, 2025
been awhile since i've written a diary entry. the last time i updated my online diary was when my website was still on neocities! rest assured, i've still been journaling within this one year time gap, just on a private blog instead meant for my closest friends instead. but ever since i've had the sudden motivation to work on my website again, i figured it would be nice to revive my public online blog. i love how the new layout turned out, and i think i've made the navigation pretty intuitive compared to my neocities blog.
but as for my actual diary entry... a lot of things have changed since 2023. i was forced to move out of my apartment due to financial hardship, so now i live back home with my family which has been challenging, to say
the least. i graduated with my bachelor's, and have been out of school for awhile. i went back into competing, and have been on two teams
so far, which has been an amazing experience. i've competed at WGI dayton two times now! both times were very magical for me. i lost a lot of weight doing two seasons. i have a new job that has been very fulfilling. and my progress with my mental health has been difficult, but life changing. both in good and bad ways.
overall, i will admit: life hasn't been treating me amazingly. i often find myself lost, not really knowing what i want to do with my life. i'm done with school, i don't intend on getting my master's degree or doctorate anytime soon. it's been difficult to find a full-time job that i would theoretically enjoy more than my current one. and i can't afford another season of colorguard, unless i won the lottery or something. i have been trying to put more effort into my social media presence, trying to rediscover my passion in the arts and creation in general. but it has definitely been difficult, with my financial struggles weighing so heavily on me and whatnot. but going back to developing my website has been a great start. i do see myself continuing this streak of motivation for awhile, and i am going to do my best to do as much as i can while i still have this ''spark.''
still. with these transitional young adult days over, i really do ask myself ''where to next?'' what comes after college, if not working every day for the rest of my life? what kind of hobbies can i still do without sacrificing my time, which is essentially sacrificing my money, which i simply can't afford to do in this current world? it's all so overwhelming, and it does take a
huge toll on my mental bandwidth. i try to tell myself to
take it slow. i mean, that's what everyone says. but as
someone who cares deeply about the importance of planning
for the future, i can't afford to be careless. breaks are a luxury beyond my reach.