kitty
published august 15, 2023
as i'm writing this, i'm realizing it's our very last night together before you leave us. i cannot fit all my feelings into words -- my heart is too full of love and grief. but i'll try my best!
when my mom and i officially adopted you from my aunt and uncle back in 2014, i remember being so unbelievably excited and happy that i was finally going to have a pet to call my own. little did i know that over the years we've spent together, you would become more than just a pet to me. throughout the aftermaths of heated family arguments, messy breakups, or the hundreds of nights i spent having mental breakdowns or psychotic episodes while i was still undiagnosed, you were always there to keep me grounded. you kept me at bay during the multiple attempts at
taking my own life simply by laying on top of me to prevent me from
moving, or sitting in front of me and staring at me with those
gentle eyes, reminding me that i loved you so much that i couldn't bear to leave you behind.
and above all, you helped to remind me that i am loved too, even during the periods of my life where i felt i had nobody else who cared about me and my safety. there you were, always offering me your affection unconditionally, listening to me
intently when i
quietly talked to you about my problems and actually responding back, or simply sitting in my lap during my most agonizing study sessions, and longwinded recording sessions, and twitch streams. you are more than just a pet, kitty. you look at me like you can see my soul, like you can truly understand me. you were there at my lowest moments to help me get on my feet again, and you were there to witness my greatest achievements thus far. you were the missing puzzle piece of what made my life feel so empty for so long. you gave me reason to take care of myself, just so i could take care of you. you were the reason i survived the worst years of my depression.
to say that i will miss you is an understatement. i wish i could follow in your footsteps, so we can be together beyond life's boundaries. but you taught me that life is full of challenges in the same way it is full of possibilities, and it takes patience and unconditional love to discover what my life has to offer. thank you for teaching me what it means to be patient. thank you for reminding
me i will always be loved. thank you for guiding me to a point in my
life where i am content, happy, and strong enough to be able
to push through every obstacle thrown at me with
resilience and vigor. if the reason you were brought into my
life was to help me get this far, and to support
me through my transition from childhood into adulthood, you have done exceptionally well. i will forever be so so grateful.
i am so lucky to
