mobs so icy wonder why they kill me im just mining
published august 20, 2022
didnt do much today other than finish my paperwork for payroll (which i'll have to turn in on monday after my biomechanics lecture) and play minecraft with ████ for six hours straight. i'm really glad that he's been starting to hang out with me more especially after ██████ moved and couldn't play as much and ████ is just. going through his own thing right now
today i managed to finish two main rooms of ████'s base and its looking pretty good even if its mostly unfinished. we were thinking of playing hypixel tomorrow because we've both been on the smp for an ungodly amount of time.
the fact that the semester starts in just a day is really getting to
me. later i have to review some concepts from anatomy last semester before i go into my biomechanics class on monday and even though im kinda excited because i do actually like anatomy, im still really anxious.
im just really anxious in general. i called ████ today and he seemed really tired and out of it and i think that made me so anxious that i was having a mini anxiety attack while i was on call with ██████ and ████. my chest
was in so much pain and it was hard to breathe and even though ██████ and ████ were making me laugh and trying to distract me from the pain, i seriously felt like i was going to throw up and pass out any second. the pain mostly went away eventually but im still really freaked out at how fast life is changing. im scared of how im going to do this semester, im scared i wont be able to support myself, and im scared my mental health could drop so low that i wont make it to the end of this year. the uncertainty in my life is really killing me and i hate it. i genuinely feel like everything would be so much easier to handle if all this break up stuff never happened -- if next week me and ████ would be celebrating four months together.
it's all really sad to think about. i wish things were okay again. may was a month full of bliss, and i wish i could have that back. maybe life would be easier to cope with.
im not super tired but my entire body is in pain (partly from sitting around almost all day and also starting my stretching routine again which is waking up my joints and muscles after two years of barely
any movement) so im going to take a shower and go to bed.
hopefully things get better,
ash
p.s. i started watching heartstopper today and oohhh myy godddd GAY PEOPLE!!!!!! ██████ and ████ and i were joking about how my chest pain equated to a gay panic attack.
very silly
